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 Advice

Problem? Ask a Chula!

Las Chulas has the answer. Get worldly and timely advice on any and all subjects from our panel of wise and wonderful women. We will post your letter and our response. Send your questions in English, Spanish, French, or German to ask a chula

 

Dear Chulas,

First, I want to say that I am a generally happy and peaceful person who loves life, including the all the challenges that living an adventureous and artistic life present. There is a woman in my town who I have a history of conflict with regarding my artistic association with her husband (a great artist) many years ago. I no longer and haven't worked with her man now several years and don't socialize or otherwise have alot of contact with him (on her demand), though we do remain friendly and maintain a deep bond. Even after numerous attempts on my part to heal the rifts between our families, including heartfelt pleas for peace at a mutual friend's funeral, she continues to harbor and express her anger at me, sending soul-sucking mean vibes and dirty looks my way whenever we encounter each other, which is quite often as we both live in a small (under 2000 people) community. She is expert in portraying herself as normal and friendly towards those to whom she is neutral, but I know her capacity for violence because I have experienced it firsthand (although nobody believed she was capable of it) Even when I am feeling strong, free and balanced, when I encounter her, she is somehow able to knock me off balance and fill my heart with fear and leave my stomach feeling uneasy. I simply want to go along in my life without giving or recieving trouble from anyone. What can I do? Please Help.

signed, Give Peace a Chance

 

Dear Give Peace a Chance ,

Always in life we are going to meet people who we simply do not get along with. Healing the rifts is ideal yet in certain circumstances expert mediation is advised. It sound like this is one of those situations. The other person has to be willing to do the mediation, otherwise it wont work. Apart from your own attempts at communication, the most concrete step is to find a mediator and ask the other person in question if they are willing to mediate.
 
On a more abstract level i would try a few mediatations to help you feel safer around this person.
1. Picture the person and you in the two loops of a figure eight, a nice color, and picture the two loops separating and leaving you free.
2. Picture yourself when you are with them feeling unattached and unaffected by their bad vibe.
eventually this will come to pass, maybe sooner than you think.
3. When you encounter them in the street etc. or when you think you might encounter them,
picture that you have over your solar plexus ( lower than your hearrt and above the belly)
a beautiful shield - you can make it anything you want- it can have the figure of a classic shield or any shape at all- it can have jewels, differernt colors, materials, let your imagination run wild.
Even though it is in your imagination, put it on- and it really works.
4. call on the help of Kwan Yin goddess of compassion or Dalai Lama or any other leader of compassion for help- almost certainly the person in question is in a lot of pain to be sending such a bad vibe, and although we dont always have the compassion to send them, we can ask for help in this area.
 

Good luck and be Strong, Las Chulas

Queridas Chulas,

    Soy un mariposo Sudamericano, un professor de lenguaje y es mi primera ves en USA. Enseno en un pueblo pequeno y no puedo encontrar otros hombres como yo. Como se busca mariposos en un pueblo pequeno en Nueva Inglaterra?
      -Islado en "Pleasantville"
      P.S. ! Ya odio a mi mano!

Querido Isolado,

    Que no te preocupes. Hay mariposos por todos partes del mundo. Hay que saber donde se los encuentra, y cre'eme que ellos estan espera'ndote, especialmente en pueblos pequenos donde no hay mucha variedad. Has visto El Guapo en la biblioteca? O el tio grande del supermercado? El Boletador del cinema independente? Tambien puedes ofrecer un grupo de conversacion en espanol. Si hay alguien quiere conocerte, sabran' donde te pueden buscar.
      Buena Suerte,
      Las Chulas

Dear Las Chulas,

    Since it is so very hurtful for a woman in a committed relationship to hear that her man has engaged in an extracurricular activity- should there be an agreement in advance that you just don't tell?
      Signed,
      Wan Hoo Woon Das

Dear Wan,

    Experience teaches that yes, some things are better kept to oneself to protect our loved ones. Experience also teaches that even if he doesn't tell you, your intuition will, so communication and forgiveness both play into the scenario. More important: even if your man cannot always be true to you, you must always be true to yourself.

      Paz Y Amor,
      Las Chulas

       

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